IF I SHOULD DIE

IF I SHOULD DIE

By: Darrelyn L. Tutt

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
Amen.
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This childhood evening prayer was recited with frequency in earlier chapters of my life.
I didn't like it because I didn't understand it.
In some ways it became a bit like praying the "Hail Mary's."
I wondered if hell was my destination if the prayer didn't get recited the evening before my death.
And no one ever told me what it meant.
 I don't think others even cared about what it meant.
But I did.
Repetitive religious jargon introduced early in life poses its dangers;
The same holds true of matters regarding the church.
The church is nothing more than a club hosting religious jargon or an empty misunderstood night time prayer if it doesn't work to define its well themed words through activity.
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Is anyone else confused and disoriented by the messages of reconciliation, redemption, and unity preached inside the church?
Is anyone actually experiencing the words or just talking about the words?
Is anyone else floundering around in the church, questioning it, the way that I am?
What exactly does the church exist for beyond the words it's uttering?
Does it even know what the words mean?
Redemption. Reconciliation. Sanctification. Justification.
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All of these thoughts and more ... plague me.
I've been asking people their thoughts about the church, listening closely, and identifying freely and deeply with the wonderers and wanderers in our midst.
And gosh but there's a lot to wonder about in regards to this assembly called the church.
And in the midst of the questioning, God is listening, and He is loving on me like never before.
I guess He's not afraid of my questions, fears, and doubts.
I guess God is bigger than them all.
Do you think me odd, dear reader?
Do you find my words strange or intimately your own?
Hmmm ...
I'm coming to realize that all the words, prayers, and hymns sung by the church are quite hollow because so few know what they're singing about.
And the church is composed of broken, lonely, haunted, hurting people,
Lip syncing words with weekly practice,
Not really understanding or meaning them at all.
And I wonder where it's all going to lead.
It feels so dead.
Hmmm ...
I pray for God to heal His broken bride.
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"Unto Thee I lift up mine eyes; O Thou, that dwellest in the heavens."
Psalm 123:1