INTIMATE AND ELUSIVE

INTIMATE AND ELUSIVE
By: Darrelyn L.Tutt

How does one answer questions about one's self and in relationship with God?
Here's an attempt:
I love hard, play hard, and think hard.
Everything I do involves crazy hard, intense, heavy volume.
A driven individual, I tend to exceed expectation, thrive on implementation, and surpass imagination.
Dreams are big.
Goals are strong.
Ideals are intense.
Curiousity ... strong.
Exploration appeals and adventure defines;
challenge ignites and change refines.
I'm simply and "complexifying" me.
I'm a driven individual wholly absorbed in what's before me,
 with a tendency to miss out on what's going on around me.
Perceived as both challenging and threatening;
I approach life with a head-on tendency and in earnest fervency.
Confrontive. Strong. Rugged. Raw. Real. Beautiful.
This is the way God has made me;
an original version of God's own doing.
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Refusal to conform to the thoughts, perceptions, and suggestions of others is a strength;
attendance to the opinions of others a relatively small matter.
My inquiries to God and my thoughts of Him are of the extraordinary kind.
I think the world of Him and I'm willing to take great risk with Him.
I believe His word to be true and His Spirit to be infinitely strong.
He's soft and strong, intimate and elusive all at once.
I find Him to be passionately invested and indulgent with me and He communicates in a most extraordinary, provoking, and curious way to me.
Yesterday, He secured me with a pure white bandana beautifully patterned in black detail and design only recently ironed and laying neatly on my walking path as though it was awaiting my pick-up and delivery. I tied it around my wrist and felt His curiously persuasive presence all about me.
It felt deliciously and favorably good.
This happens continually to me and my spouse reminds me of the "uncommonness" of it frequently.
God whispers words and imposes "thought strains" creatively to me,
 showing me how to strategize and remember things effectively.
I know that I could never come up with such things on my own and so I rejoice in the work and wonder of God.
He works so mysteriously.
In truth ...
I find myself deeply infatuated with Him one moment and infuriated with Him the next.
Some days He drives me crazy with delight and some days He drives me mad with wonder. Like David, I strike "highs and lows" with Him repetitively and wonder at Him aloud and verbally.
But always I love Him and desire Him more.
I am His and He is mine ...
Forever more.
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"Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid Thine hand upon me."
Psalm 139:5